From a series – A Certain America Life

By Kenny Eoin
(unedited draft 1)

I had a conversation with my wife on the way home from our jobs. We both had long days at work. Today is September 19th, 2019. On the way home and with our conversation, I told her, I was going to start my own business. I have zero experience with starting my own business. She asked me to stop the car. I stopped the car. 


She said “I sense you are serious. So I am going to walk home and let you think about it while you drive the rest of the way without me.”


I thought for a second and replied, “Sure thing, but you’re going to know what business I am starting?”


She walked away and I drove towards home. And with that, she missed our very first official business meeting. I am 78% sure she would agree that my(our) new business will be a good one. 


To top it off, I had been thinking for a week or so. I looked at it from all angles. I took into account all the problems I could imagine and research.  I discussed it numerous times with my neighbor Mary Blohm who is a career-high school basketball coach. She had lots of encouraging comments. We would take long walks in the neighborhood after basketball practice and sometimes late at night on the weekends. These discussions sometimes lasted minutes and other times for hours. They were all happy times.  And, finally one day we came to the conclusion, I would offer my wife a job. She would be the very first employee and it would be a great privilege for her. She deserved it more than anyone we knew. 


Her job title would be “Chief Keep It All Organized Officer” or the CKITO. I am not organized. She is. As the CKITO she would be in charge of telling me everything I am doing wrong. I know she would be great at this job because she has been telling me about myself for the past 23 years of marriage. Our company would need very little transition time once she is on-board as the CKITO.


I know the first thing she would report without guessing. She would say “You need to keep your current employer – indefinitely.” I would argue NO and tell her “Because I  need to focus 100% on the new business,”  but she wouldn’t be convinced otherwise. 


The location for our business will be in Dekalb County Georgia. It’s one of the finest counties in Georgia. I was told there are better counties to start businesses, but I don’t agree. I live in the county so my business should be in the county. I was told it does not matter where you live if you start an online business, which is what I plan to do. 


Everything will be online for everybody to see. It’s part of our brand’s marketing strategy for everyone to be able to see the business products 24/7. Our brand will be the sum of all the intangibles of our product’s attributes. When you think of our business you cannot keep yourself from laughing and becoming happy. I cannot think of a better way to make it happen than online. Think of all the businesses that go out of business because nobody knows there are there. Nobody knows your business will make them laugh and become happy. If I lived in Tennessee, and I never went to Georgia, how would I know about my business? It must be online to be happy. You have to put your business products and services in front of people. Online gives you access to a lot of people even if they live far away from your business like the beautiful country of Japan. They can see it just as good over there as they can here in Dekalb County Georgia. It’s always important to have a plan for how people will see and know about your brand, products, and services. 


Running a business online is not the only thing you need to do to put your brand, products, and services in front of people. (I will talk about other strategies in another post) Right now I want to tell you about the books you can read if you want to start a business. There are hundreds of them, but I like “Choose Yourself,” by James Altucher the best (but it’s not typical business starting kind of book – just like it a lot). I will not go into too much detail about “why” just please know and note it is a good one.


I will give you a hint. One of the most important topics in the book is the importance of finding your niche. (I am pretty sure this topic is in this book, doesn’t really matter, it’s still a good one).  A niche is a funny-sounding word. It took a long time for me to say it out loud without laughing. It made me think of sweet foods or desserts when I said it. After reading the book, I became more comfortable saying it allowed. My wife was the first to congratulate me on the efforts.


I will also talk about other things including the trendy subject “Social Media” and how it can make your business have become viral. Social Media is a double and may even a triple edged sword. It can help draw attention to your business. The attention can be good or bad which is what makes it double-edged. The third edge is attention-is-attention, good-or-bad, your brand, products, and services will be in front of people. It is like a disease and it spreads like a virus. It is called “Going Viral.”   


 Let’s talk about getting it in front of “the people” now. They are your potential customers. You want them to look at your online business and become happy. It is my experience that you can be the richest in the world but still not be happy. That is why I am starting this online business which will be available to anyone with access to the Internet. Some people don’t have any money, access to the Internet, or happiness. When my new business starts making the rich people happy, I will hire people to take the Internet to people who do not have money, Internet access or happiness and let them see everything so the will become happy as well. I will then hire so they will be extra happy to work for me. It will be common for them to pull all-nighters helping other people become happy in their own lives. Once they are happy, I will offer them a job as well.


When you become an employee of our mega super happy online business, you will only have one all-inclusive requirement outside of your job scope. This includes watching movies, TV, play video games, play sports, get plenty of exercise, eat right, maintain a flexible schedule, sleep as much as you want (but get a lot don’t skimp), make sure you always keep a good mental image in your head about an amazing future, gain a skill, and finally always maintain a helpful attitude towards others. The only requirement within the job scope is to help convert people to happiness. 


Once the business starts growing and becoming viral on social media because our online business will have pictures of lots of happy people, and other people commenting and adding happy emojis, we’ll start collecting pictures of every person on the planet. We’ll make photo albums for every country, state, territory, cities, etc. In the photo albums, we’ll be able to see everyone on the planet with a happy smiling face. It’s going to be amazing. If you don’t want to smile, we’ll have a team that can image manipulate a smile for you at no extra charge. All we ask in return is for you to be happy. Our marketing plan will cover all the bases and make sure we create a happy environment online for everyone. This is only one amazing product and service. With millions of happy customers and employees, I will phase in the “Happy Suggestion.” It will be a dedicated part of the online business for YOUR IDEAS. It will become it’s on happy idea machine. You will receive training and all the materials needed to bring your happy idea to life. Once it is going well, we will systematically automate it decreasing the amount of decision you will have to make in a day, which has been proven to help – you guessed it – increases happiness. 


This is a pretty simple business model. I am sure my wife will agree and especially so when she finds out everything is online and digital. She loves online brands, products, and services. In fact, she loves everything that is “e” – eBooks, eMail, eFood, eFriends, eVacations on eBeaches and eIslands, and even eFunerals, etc. 


In case you have not figured it out yet, the goal of my new business is the have the whole world “To be happy” and everyone works for me. It will be an amazing future. First, however, I need to buy my wife some flowers then go back and pick her up off the road where she got out of the car. Not only will she be our first employee she’ll be our first happiness sale… We cannot start a happy business without her. I will start with an apology and some flowers. The future of mankind’s happiness depends on it.




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